Real Madrid have spent enough money to buy a small country just to play football that could put someone with insomnia to sleep. You’ve got Mbappé, Vinícius, Bellingham and half the world’s supposed superstars, yet the entire team has the chemistry of 11 strangers sharing an Uber. Mbappé runs like a Ferrari but makes decisions like a broken traffic light, Vinícius spends more time auditioning for a Netflix drama than playing football, and Bellingham has mastered the art of disappearing so well that even Google Maps couldn’t locate him. 😭😭 Madrid’s midfield moves the ball with the urgency of a government office on a Friday afternoon. Their attacking patterns look like someone dropped a plate of spaghetti on a tactics board. Mourinho has assembled the footballing Avengers just to produce the most expensive sleeping medication in European history. Watching Madrid build an attack is like watching your grandma type a password with one finger. By the time they create a chance, GTA 7 will have been released. The Bernabéu isn’t even a football stadium anymore, it’s a five-star retirement home with grass in the middle. And the fans have the audacity to call this football heritage 😭😭. Barça are out here playing football that belongs in an art museum while Madrid are producing 90-minute documentaries about the dangers of boredom. They could sign Messi, Ronaldo and prime Pelé tomorrow and somehow still end up passing sideways to Courtois. This isn’t the Galácticos, it’s the GaláctiNOs. A billion-euro squad playing like the Wi-Fi disconnected in the 12th minute. Forget El Clásico, the real rivalry is Real Madrid versus entertainment, and entertainment hasn’t won a single minute. HALA MADRID? MORE LIKE Hasta manana.