bookd.
bigreddog
Scottish, Scouse and French. It doesn’t make sense, but it works for me.
France3 - 0Sweden
I get that it’s lazy and reductive to say that this game against Scandinavian opposition was practically identical to the last game against Scandinavian opposition. And yet…? It was spookily similar. Loads of possession first half but with very little threat, Sweden looked dangerous when they could make chances, and yet ultimately France win comfortably without having to work too hard. It’s mad. I’ve spent the last 10 years enduring Deschamps’ unique brand of misery football, as befits one of the game’s great water carriers. He always had the ability to make his teams less than the sum of their parts, to squander the unbelievable riches granted him by Clairefontaine. I wanted him gone in 2018, but him winning the damn World Cup scuppered that. But now that’s he’s said he’s going? Now he cuts loose and lets his players play. Now he picks 4 strikers, starts scoring for fun and maintaining complete control at the back. Infuriating. But what a sight it is to see this team in full flow. The one touch passing, the flicks, tricks and wonder goals. It’s been a tough ride at times Didi, but it’s finally fun.
FranceFrance3 - 0Iraq
What a slog this was. As if a 2200 kickoff wasn’t bad enough when you’re chronically sleep deprived and exhausted, they go and throw a 2hr half time rain delay in. This is what happens when you try and hold sporting events on a continent that’s constantly trying to kill you. Between hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, wildfires and life-threatening thunderstorms, Mother Nature is making her feelings about settling America very clear. And it seems like the more people ignore her, the more pissed off she’s getting. But anyway, despite that, France cruised to a 3-0 win. Routine, if not for the 0200 finish…
France
Paraguay0 - 1FranceA battle for the soul of football. A team that wanted to play football against a team that wanted to stop any football being played. Trying to go toe to toe with the tournament favourites is never going to be a good plan, but Paraguay’s approach in this game was genuinely appalling. They used every dirty trick in the book, from diving, to accusing our players of diving, tackles off the ball, high tackles, time wasting… you name it. They tried everything and the ref bought it every time, like the sucker he was. Except when Doué was scythed down in the box and the ref actually gave the penalty. Amazing. And that was that. France the winners, football the winner, and that horrible gang of nihilists sent packing. Imagine watching them every game, that’d be fucking graft.
FranceFrance2 - 0Morocco
Another tricky tie successfully negotiated without issue. The real African champions this time. Different team, same outcome. Morocco were simply blown away by Les Bleus, but the nut did take some cracking, especially after Mbappe’s farcical penalty miss. He did make up for it with a wonder goal not long after, and then Dembélé joined in with a wonder goal of his own. But Morocco didn’t even throw a punch, let alone lay a glove. Mike Maignon must have had a lovely view of the game from his box. He could probably have had a few beers while watching the game. Even FIFA’s naked corruption couldn’t stop us. For the first time in this World Cup, the entire refereeing crew were from the same nation - and which one? Argentina of course. It’s as if they should just engrave Messi’s name on the trophy now. Not Argentina, Messi. A bit of a fly in the ointment when the ref turned out to be pretty decent, even awarding France the penalty. Maybe they didn’t offer him a big enough bribe. But a gang of ale house thugs couldn’t beat us, the governing body loading the deck can’t beat us. This team is going to take some beating…
FranceFrance3 - 1Senegal
Et c’est parti! I was a little nervous before this game. Suspect reasons aside, these are the current African champions. Their team is littered with names you recognise. They’re going to be a tough nut to crack. Until you realise that you recognise the names from 10 years ago. These aren’t the players they used to be, so this is not the team it used to be. And so it turned out to be. Les Bleus were in total control, start to finish. Early in the game, they struggled to turn their dominance into a real threat. Until Olisé moved inside and announced himself on the world stage. He was sublime, pulling the strings, making space for the other strikers. Seeing passes no one else could. He opened up the game and all of a sudden it was easy. It could have been a tough start, but Olisé made it look easy. Oh, and Mbappe’s goal. L’audace.
France
Norway1 - 4FranceWhat a weird game. 4-1 Les Bleus. And yet it felt like Norway had all the pressure and France could barely put a chance together. It comes down to a tale of two keepers. Theirs was crap. Beaten by three long distance shots, none of which were particularly unsaveable and a header that again wasn’t exactly in the corner. (He was very handy off his line in his defence.) Ours? Magic. Magic Mike again. A penalty save and more than a few great saves, just as Norway were building pressure. But it’s a good day when you can play indifferently and win 4-1. How ironic that, having wanted Deschamps gone for the last 8 years because he was squandering the talent in the team, now that he’s going he’s got the team purring. One last dance together, DD.
FranceLiverpool1 - 1Brentford
The End. End of the season, thank God. But also the end of an era. Robbo and Mo weren’t the first to leave and won’t be the last, but this feels like the break - the next Liverpool team will be something new, not an evolution of the force of nature we’ve grown used to since 2015. This expensively, exquisitely assembled squad has been stripped of any identity or belief, reduced to playing for moments and not getting enough of them to go our way. No one’s having fun anymore, including the manager. The only plan seems to be to run less, which is good because not one of the players can be arsed to do it anymore. Slot’s going to be sacked. It’s inevitable on this evidence. The only questions are how long it takes and how much more damage he does to this club before he does. Mo and Robbo were standard bearers for this club’s identity. Heart, desire, talent. They had it all. They leave a club that doesn’t look like it has any of it anymore. The beginning? It is now - but of what?
Liverpool
Aston Villa4 - 2LiverpoolMakes a change for Slot to be out-coached by a better manager instead of a novice. And he was comprehensively out-coached. Villa came with a very clear plan, unlike us, and they methodically picked us apart. It seemed like our only plan was to hope that Villa would be distracted and focused on their UEFA Cup final, and we might get the better of the moments. Although for that to work, you’d have to fight for the moments, which we didn’t. A brief moment of hope after van Dijk equalised was quickly snuffed out and once again, the team gave up. 4-2 flatters us and doesn’t tell the story of how utterly hopeless this shower of arseholes are. One more to go. One more to suffer through.
Aston VillaLiverpool1 - 1Chelsea
Why can’t I give this game zero stars? It’s literally impossible for both teams to lose a game but that’s what these deserved. It started so well, Rio made the space and Grav whacked it top corner And then it all fell apart. They got lazy and passive. Tried to sit deep in a shape but didn’t know how to be in a shape. When we had the ball, we couldn’t find someone to pass to. It was fucking abject. The loudest Anfield got was booing Slot for taking off the one player who was trying. This season has been awful but today felt like something changed. We’re sick of it. Sick of the utter lack of anything to get behind. Slot did the impossible last year and won the league at the first time of asking. What’s he’s done this year is even more impossible. He made going the game shit. Town flat, Anfield flat. I groaned when they said 7 minutes added on. Two games to go. Two more games of this zero star shite.
LiverpoolLiverpool3 - 1Crystal Palace
Have a big drink and revel in the sensation. That’s it. That’s better. This could’ve gone the other way if it wasn’t for Woodman’s heroics. Save after incredible save after incredible save. That might be it for him as a Liverpool or top flight goalie. If it is, what a cameo. Connections all over the pitch. The two big money signings scoring - unequivocally a good thing. But two final contributions perhaps which is decidedly equivocal. Probably Robbo’s last goal in red, and it’s an all time classic. Possibly Salah’s last appearance. We still don’t know how bad his injury is, but you know the significance of it crossed his mind. Finally flashes of what this team could be. The pace of the counterattack for the second is terrifying but the control is even more so. Not once did we look like we were going to fuck that one up. A change of pace and a dummy for Wirtz’s. The sparkle that’s been missing all season. It might only be a taste, but drink it in. That’s it. That’s better.
Liverpool
Everton1 - 2LiverpoolNo brains, no bollocks. No idea how to control a game of football, just 11 strangers running around the place hoping for something to happen. I realised what it was I hate about watching the reds right now and it’s this: there’s no plan, nothing to get invested in. It’s just 90+ minutes in the laps of the gods. Some you win, some you lose. None you care about because there’s nothing there to care about either way. I didn’t even celebrate the winner. Proper Rudyard Kiplinged it, indifferent to the impostors of success or failures. But it is objectively funny that Salah scores seconds after they have one ruled out for offside, and then van Dijk is the one to break their hearts at the end. Have that Pickford, you horrible little bastard. For all your cheating, gamesmanship and occasional assaults, you still can’t - will never - win. We continue in purgatory. We still don’t look like we have a clue. But at least we beat THEM.
LiverpoolLiverpool0 - 2PSGAlmost better, but not quite. None of that 5 at the back shite, tonight’s stab in the dark was a throwback 4-4-2 with Isak and Ekitike up front. At least until Ekitike blew out his Achilles tendon. No World Cup for him - gutted. Liverpool played like they almost believed they might get back into it, but karma came back to bite us with the VAR overturning what appeared to be a perfectly good penalty. After that, we lost our heads, our shape and two goals on the break. No miracles tonight.
PSGPSG2 - 0LiverpoolWell that could have been a LOT worse. Last year they played us off the park and we somehow escaped with a win. No such luck this year. No Harvey Elliott. Maybe there’s a connection… For reasons escaping understanding, Slot played five at the back and it was the disaster you’d expect. But for Mamardashvili, we could have lost by a cricket score. A lucky VAR call to overturn a penalty that wasn’t, and another penalty that probably was. But not dead yet, it could have been a lot a worse.
PSG