bookd.
New York City2 - 3Philadelphia Union
commentator: “i think damiani will most have to thank the parents of quinn and cavan sullivan, because the two of them have put two goals on a silver platter for him tonight”
Philadelphia UnionPhiladelphia Union0 - 2Santos Laguna
boring ball…but i got to be the drummer (with no rhythm) and was caught on live tv looking like i can’t stand my team (i can’t stand my team)
Philadelphia Union
Seattle Sounders1 - 2Guadalajara Chivas
keep the child labor factory lights on…didn’t know the sounders knew la masia ball. the pitch turned into a playground full of kids on a sugar rush
Seattle SoundersSeattle Sounders3 - 0Club Queretaro
thank god i won’t have to hear “eight straight losses.” stephen frei went out to lunch with cape verde’s goalkeeper to discuss leagues cup tactics. 40 year old balling outtt this tournament. aura freiming PAUL ROTHROCK DOUBLE ASSIST‼️ also so happy when players score in their first professional match, sebastian gomez i allow you to replace jesus ferreira now.
Seattle SoundersNew England Revolution0 - 2Houston Dynamo
drove all the way to the stadium and realized the revs wanted me to pay $65 to sit in 90° weather…so i drove my ass back home to watch them lose instead!
New England Revolution
Cruz Azul1 - 0Philadelphia Unionphiladelphia baddie must’ve broken this ref’s heart because he has something against that city. i see HAND i see BALL. so why no pen
Toluca3 - 0Seattle Soundersi don’t think the sounders being injury ridden is the problem, i think IM the problem. the curse of when i support a team and they suddenly experience the worst downfall in club history. seattle was in fact not spared. frei undoubtedly deserves player of the match but paul rothrock is my boyfriend
Seattle Sounders
Inter Miami4 - 2Atletico San Luis
this hate watch was not successful. only time i feel happiness during an inter miami game is when noah allen or ríos novo are on my screen.
Montreal2 - 2New England Revolutionfrench canadians piss me off and i didn’t succeed at getting my boyfriends jersey and blowing a 2 goal lead to montreal makes this a loss. but at least i interacted with carles gil and confirmed he’s real. i will follow my revs to the end of the earth (montreal, quebec)
New England RevolutionNew York City1 - 1Toronto
i root for every team that plays against matt freese. toronto you’re useless and never get the job done. toronttenham.
Philadelphia Union1 - 0Seattle Soundersgot paul rothrocks match worn jersey because im gods favorite. it was so sweaty that i could’ve wrung it out but i did in fact wear it to bed because im disgusting
Seattle SoundersNew England Revolution0 - 0Torontothe most boring revs game i’ve been to in a long time which is funny because i was so excited for their return but i guess neither teams alarm went off. got a jersey signed by my player though ethan kohler i love u and want to go on a candlelit dinner date
New England Revolution
Spain1 - 0Argentina
need i say more?
Spain
France4 - 6England
this just one-upped the final and it hasn’t even happened yet. can’t imagine how deflating it must’ve felt to go 4-0 down before halftime IN THE LOSERS MATCH😭😭😭olise missed so many shots because he is used to someone finishing for him, don’t dog on my boy. england falling asleep after being up puts ME to sleep from the predictability. speaking of, the commentator predicting a 5-4 england win should download draft kings. ballingham strikes again 💯
Nashville1 - 0Atlanta United
HYDRATION BREAK??? IN MLS??? games really gone in the first half atlanta played like they went to world cup boot camp and came back champions…my dark horse? almiron is such a little shit.
Atlanta UnitedEngland1 - 2Argentinaargentina has juuuust scraped by in every match they’ve played. when the commentator said they weren’t necessarily good against cape verde or egypt but they’re looking good today THANK YOU! because they have not deserved those wins that led them here. i can’t bash argentina too hard because its argentina and obviously that’s a good team, but i think they have frauded their way through the past couple weeks. i am so sick of them either just getting lucky or getting questionably suspicious calls. that winning goal made me hit my steering wheel so hard that my hand stung for an hour afterwards. i cried out of ANGER, argentina you truly are the villains to me and i just beg you to give spain the flowers they deserve because you shouldn’t be THIS greedy.
France0 - 2Spainmy one wish for this world cup was for literally any team but france to win, so BIG UPS SPAIN💪 i had to watch this with friends because they keep me grounded, otherwise i would’ve paced 10 miles around my house
Norway1 - 2Englandi seriously cannot stand people from england so i don’t know how they get me to tear up every. single. time they sing that fuckass song. haaland and bellingham didn’t kiss so that’s why this is four stars instead of five
EnglandSpain2 - 1Belgium
i definitely jinxed courtois by saying some questionable threats pre match. cubarsi always makes proud, merino is my best friend of the week, and pedri being benched was offensive and insensitive and homophobic
Switzerland0 - 0Colombia
i was banking on colombia so hard that i put the quarterfinal match in my calendar as “colombia 9pm”
Argentina3 - 2Egypt
i’ve been sick to my stomach over the result of two matches so far. argentina was at the scene of the crime for both. one of their goals shouldn’t have counted, at the very LEAST should’ve been checked, and that disallowed egypt goal was because of the messi agenda. could’ve been cinematic to see ronaldo and messi both get eliminated within 24 hours, but FIFA would have never let that slide. clearly
USA1 - 4Belgiumusmnt remembered who they were. goodbye papi i mean pepi. the only time i smiled was when he got subbed on. glad matt freese embarrassed himself i really enjoyed that. POTM the fly on my screen
Portugal0 - 1Spainbad day if you’re a portuguese spain supporter. at least i got to enjoy a joão félix barça reunion 🫶🏻 TAKE HIM BACK PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. also free my man gavi from the bench.
Portugal
Mexico2 - 3Englandthey don’t call him altijude bellingham for nothing if cape verde didn’t already change my life this week, i wouldve considered this the best match of the tournament so far
England
Brazil1 - 2Norwaythat was a pity goal given to neymar. only reason i’m sad about brazil’s exit is because i wont see my goat raphinha
Norway
Canada0 - 3Morocco
neil el aynaoui stay on your feet challenge. goodbye canada you had one of the best kits of this world cup. nothing else memorable tho❤️
Colombia1 - 0Ghana
colombia hikes their socks up like they’re trying to be modest. i hope my friends think of me when they see richard ríos subbed on. please never put him in again tho
Argentina3 - 2Cape Verde Islands
this is going in my top 3 best watches of all time. i don’t even know what to say im just devastated for and deeply proud of this minuscule country. tourism is gonna skyrocket
Spain3 - 0Austria
ngl i zoned out a lot because my brain gets too stressed by knockout matches. spain had it in the bag and i was still biting my nails
Portugal2 - 1Croatia
if you know who i am you can only imagine what that equaliser in the last seconds of stoppage time did to me. i feel exhausted like i just played in the match
USA2 - 0Bosnia & Herzegovina
both of those goals had to break a record for slowest ball speed
USAEngland2 - 1Congo DR
congo looked like they bought their kits on shein. rashford getting subbed out while gordon got subbed in was barça foreshadowing
Congo DRFrance3 - 0Sweden
Fantastic Four but it’s Mbappe, Dembélé, Olise, and Barcola
Germany1 - 1Paraguay
i went into it being neutral and ended the match paraguayan
Paraguay
Netherlands1 - 1Morocconetherlands jersey giving me war flashbacks to barça 2025 third kit. speaking of war, what a blood bath…getting your head stapled on the pitch and continuing on makes you a war veteran in my book. those penalties were so atrocious i thought i was watching mls
NetherlandsColombia0 - 0Portugali’ve been looking forward to this game for over half a year and i feel so utterly let down. portugal had no urgency and didn’t deserve that win no matter how much i wanted it. this was like foreseeing the future of their elimination and in that vision was spain defeating them.
Panama0 - 2Englandi actually missed every goal. i only picked up my phone twice. there were two goals.
EnglandNorway1 - 4Francefirst time sneaking in to a world cup match kinda nervous. mbappe just as scary in real life
Uruguay0 - 1Spainmy mom about ferran torres: “he’s not very good but at least he’s pretty”
Colombia1 - 0Congo DRjames rodríguez always looks like he just cried his eyes out and/or smoked a blunt before the match. colombia taking all those shots from distance had me like “pshh no chance” but then it’d somehow force the goalie to make an insane save. goalkeepers have truly been the stars of this world cup so far
Colombia